A Picturesque Life

Hi Hopes…welcome to my blog. I think you misunderstood a few of the things I had to say.

Why just adultery and abuse? Why limit it there? There are other reasons for divorce than just those two things.

I’ve never been divorced. So I cannot speak on this from personal experience. I made qualifing remarks about abuse and adultery because those are situations in which a woman may find herself in a circumstance she has no control over. I would never recommend a woman stay in a situation in which this was going on. Any other “bad” situation, I believe there is no bibilical reason for divorce. I’m not saying the circumstances would be easy…I just think there are no other biblical reasons for divorce. I mentioned widows because they also have no control over being a single mother.

I, and apparently you, had some control over the situations we find ourselves in. (Maybe not in both your cases, but at least one.) We chose to sin. Sin which, instead of giving us deadly STD’s, God chose to still bless us by letting us mother beautiful children. I am still in awe of the fact that after all I’ve done, God still let me have my lovely children. I did not deserve that. That does not make me a hero. Sure, I’ve “sacrificed” for my children. But sacrifice is not usually a situation in which you have no choice. I didn’t really have a choice about working as opposed to being with my children. My sin made my life harder. I’ve no one to blame but myself.

Are you saying that those two disqualify a single mother from judgement by others? If you are you are terribly wrong. I know because I am a single mother of two one due to abuse and the other to sin; yet, I still get judged for being a single mother. Yet, there should only be one judging us shouldn’t there?

I don’t think saying single mothers aren’t heroes is judgmental. You can be a single mother and be a really great person. I said I was a single mother. I do not want to be judged for my mistakes. I have been forgiven for them…and even see how God has seen fit to bless me, regardless of my mistakes. In no way was I saying anyone should judge another person.

And yes, you are right. God is the only one who should cast judgement. But does that mean I should go around saying everyone who has made mistakes is a hero? Saying someone is not a hero is not the same as casting judgement. I think we single mothers tend to be a bit sensitive to being judged.

As a single mother it takes plenty of courage to walk around without a ring on your finger especially a single mother who is a Christian. Your asking what does being a Christian have to do with it. Alot, because it is “good Christian people” doing the judging.

I am a Christian single mother and I have had little to no judgement passed by fellow Christians. I feel very supported by my church family and my family. I know I am blessed because of that. I know not everyone has the network of support I do. But…that said, this network I have…aren’t they the true heroes? They saw a hurting, struggling young woman and reached out and loved her. They encouraged her to finish school and prayed fervently for her.

I do not ever walk around with my head down in shame. God has forgiven me. I have beautiful children. I am a child of The One True God himself! But, I am NOT a hero. Not for the sin I have committed. If anyone should call me a hero I want to hear a better reason than having to live with the consequences of my mistakes. No one ever says to a former drug-addict who is still having LSD flashbacks that they are a hero for having to live with those flashbacks…It just kinda goes with the territory. Why should it be different for single mothers (ones who are in their situation due to sin).

Anyway…I don’t think my post had anything to do with passing judgement. If you knew me, you’d know I’m one of the least judgemental people around. It would probably do me good to be a little more judgemental!

Why are you knocking those that may not have anyone to depend on? I didn’t. I haven’t until after my daughter was born then my parents decided that she was good enough for them. Talk about conditional love.

I’m certainly NOT knocking people who’ve been doing a tough job on their own. My symapthy goes out to you. I KNOW I’ve been fortunate. I thank God everyday for the wonderful, loving, and supportive network he’s given me. But once again…I think that network has been the real heroes. They sacrificed for MY sin…not their own.

And I’m sorry you’ve felt alone. I cannot explain why God works the way he does sometimes. I do know he is good and has a purpose for everything. I want to encourage you to remember that. I’m very sorry about your family not being supportive. I know that must have been tough. Maybe though, their restoration of your relationship after the birth of your daughter is their way of apologizing. Some people just have a hard time coming out and saying “I’m sorry.” Try to make the best out of this restored relationship.

Why aren’t you yelling for the father’s of these children to step up and be men by taking care of their children? You know like paying child support? Actually taking care of their responsibilities.

This post was about whether or not single mothers are heroes. Not about child support or absentee fathers. I also do not blame the fathers (yes, that was plural) of my children for my mistakes. No matter what, God always gives us an out…an escape from temptation. I didn’t take it. That is noone’s fault but my own.

I also find that I am much more content when I stop blaming other people for my circumstances (and this goes for anything…work, my children, my money…whatever the circumstance) and just make the best of the situation (with God’s help, of course! ) I ultimately can control no one but myself. I cannot make anyone else do anything.

Hrmmm….I am working 16 hours a day, I spend about 3 on the computer for school and sleep a whole 3 hours out of the day. So here I can relate.

But surely you would agree we could have made choices that would have been better for our children. I wish I could have been a stay at home mother. In my heart of hearts that’s what I yearn for more than anything. This likely will never happen. And the biggest reason for this is that I chose to engage in sin…and brought children into this world before I could take care of them properly. (And by properly I mean quantity time spent with them as infants and toddlers as opposed to having to work and go to school.) It would have been nice for me, of course to have been at home…but I really hurt inside when I think of what it has cost my children. They needed me…and I wasn’t there.

Had I done things God’s way, this wouldn’t have happened.

I made mistakes after my divorce.

We all make mistakes. Everyday. We all have to live with the consequences of these mistakes as I’m sure you know. Thank God for his mercy and loving kindness. Where would any of us be without him?

I am not by no means saying I regret my children, although I do regret the choices in the men I chose to father them.

I don’t think WHO the father was is as much of an issue as the sin that got me into the circumstances in the first place. I don’t like to reveal too much personal information…there are some things that are just not anyone’s business…so I’m not going to discuss my past relationships. I doubt anyone really cares anyway. My problem has been MY sin. Not my children…they are a blessing. And like you, I don’t regret them at all. I just regret what MY sin has cost them. That’s a hard thing to live with. Once again…thank goodness for the mercy of a loving and forgiving God.

Hope some of that cleared up a few misunderstandings! I certainly am in no place to pass judgement on anyone. I just wonder about a culture that regards the consequences of one’s sin to put them in a place of hero worship.

Hopes, One more comment. I just keep thinking of things… . I wanted to say something else about this comment.

Why aren’t you yelling for the father’s of these children to step up and be men by taking care of their children? You know like paying child support? Actually taking care of their responsibilities.

I know that being a single father is also hard. Fathers to children born out of wedlock or who are not with their children due to divorce suffer as well. I know many, many who suffer. We all suffer the consequences of our sin in one way or another.

And to be quite frank, I say this often, I think us girls get the best end of the deal. We are the most likely to be with our children. Fathers are the most likely to suffer seperation from their children.

I’d rather suffer through the money problems and the emotional stress of raising children alone than to not be with my kids.

Okay…I think I’m really finished with your comments now.
Unless, of course, I think of something else!

I by no means even think myself as a hero to my children. I think of myself as a hero for stepping up and leaving a bad situation (i.e. a very abusive man that almost killed me and my unborn child).

Of course, this must have been tough. But leaving a bad situation and putting yourself in a bad situation (sex before marriage) are different issues. And I’m sorry about what you’ve been through. I truly am.

Sacrifice is a part of parenthood. A true woman should not complain about being a mother if she laid down and did the deed.

Of course. But we single mothers, not necessarily you or I, tend to wear this sacrifice like a badge. All parents sacrifice…it’s a given. I just get tired of the ones who walk around making an issue of it…especially if they put themselves in the bad circumstances. Because of sin.

A child of a single mother will see their mother as a protector as someone that makes their boo boos better we are heros to them. If we could only see through our childrens eyes.

Most children…from homes with any loving parents see their mothers and fathers as heroes. Especially as children… but even as adults sometimes. I love sports. When they interview sports stars I love to hear them say “I love you Mom” or “You’re my hero Mom!”. It’s sweet. And natural.

But if my children see me as a hero…I don’t want it to be for the situation I put the three of us through. I could have made decisions that would have made their life so much better. They could have been raised in a home with a loving mother AND a loving father. That’s what they needed. And one reason they don’t have that is because of MY sin. I know I keep saying that…but that is what I truly believe.

I think I’ve made some good decisions (I can be pretty dense sometimes though…I need alot of help from God). But having sex before marriage was really dumb. And I am not a hero for having done that and having to live with the consequences.

I was alone because I sinned after my divorce. I knew what I was doing and still chose to close my eyes. I didn’t listen to my heart to my one true Father.

Basically this is the point of my entire post. That we have sinned…and are not heroes for sinning.

As far as my parents….doubtful you would have to know my parents.

I’m very sorry to hear that. God is a Father to the Fatherless though.

Without a man to lust with how would we be single mothers? Some blame again goes back to him not all, but some.

Sure, but who’s sin can we control. Only ours. I cannot blame anyone for what I have done. I made the bad choices.

I did things right with my marriage. I was a virgin on my wedding night.

As it should be. Wish I had been as smart!

Truthfully, I would of given up on all if it weren’t for God.

This is true for many of us.

That’s the thing it wasn’t only YOUR sin, Bethany or mine for that matter. It takes two to tango.

It would be a waste of time to be upset about all the ways people have wronged me. Sure, they sinned too. That is between them and God. I am only concerned with MY sin. That’s all I can do anything about.

I was brought up differently from the rest of the class I suppsoe. Sheltered? So, when I seen a single mom (my sister) my parents passed judgements on her and did so on the other 3 children aswell. Even if the other 3 did it the right way.

I’m also not saying some people don’t pass judgement. I’ve had it happen to me. I really just don’t worry with it though. I am made of pretty tough stuff as far as that goes. I have also had people who really supported me…even when I didn’t deserve it.

And actually, we should be quite thankful we live in the time period we do. There certainly was a time when judgement would be …um…final? Like, we would have been stoned.

Yet, wouldn’t it be nice to have medicaid in the case of an emergency or some kind of back up insurance for your children?

Maybe. I’m not too into government support. I don’t knock it…I just don’t think it’s their place. I think the church should be the ones who are over charities. And I think the government programs (welfare, etc.) are abused terribly. But, that’s another issue altogether…and one I’m not going to get into tonight. Maybe I’ll do a post on that!

The right way in God’s word is what you are saying I take it. I did that with my first marriage and we still needed help especially when I had a child with a severe seizure disorder that wound up killing him.

Certainly single mothers aren’t the only ones who need help and support. That is just what my post was on.

So, your telling me that you would rather see a child sleep with an empty stomach at night? Or go without their shots or proper medical treatment because their mother sinned?

Of course not. I think single mothers should do all they can to improve the lives of their children. I think children in broken homes still need to be cared for and protected. I believe God gave us the responsibility of taking care of them regardless of our circumstances.

I just think…before we go calling single mothers heroes…we need to look seriously at why we are having to do what we do. Because of sin. Sinning is NEVER heroic. That was my point.

You can be a good person. Just not a hero. You can be making the best out of your life…you cannot change the past. You are just not a hero. Not to me. But then again, I don’t think I am one either.

Honestly these programs are in place to help the less fortunate (notice the word help) those that have made mistakes or sinned why punish the children?

I’m not saying punish your children. Do what you have to. But don’t take credit for all these sacrifices if you are actually depending on charity. (And I don’t have a problem with charity…I refered to many charitable acts from wonderful people who helped me when I most needed it.)

Like I said…I think these programs are abused and it’s not the governments place. But…the church doesn’t always do it’s job either. That’s another post…another time!