Posted by: Bethany
Have you ever run into one of those people who never take responsiblity for their actions? They blame everyone else for all that is wrong in their life. Have you ever been one of those people who placed the blame at the feet of all others? I’m ashamed to say that I’ve been one of those people. In fact, it is something I still have to fight ocassionally.
But I’m doing better than I used to.
Why do we play this blame game?
“It’s my parent’s fault. They didn’t love me enough.”
“It’s my husband’s fault. He’s not affectionate/hard-working/here enough.”
“It’s my kid’s fault. They won’t listen.”
“It’s the government’s fault. They don’t dish out enough money.”
“It’s my boss’ fault. He doesn’t appreciate me enough.”
“It’s that preacher’s fault for not making the people in the church do the right thing.”
You get the picture. The person changes. The verb changes. The rest is the same. And frankly, it’s not that much fun to listen to (but I’m not blaming anyone! :D)
Why do we take such morbid pleasure in placing the blame on others? Why is it so easy to see what is wrong with everything/everyone else, yet we are unable to see what we could have done differently?
Matthew 7:1-5
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
Obviously this attitude is not biblical. And seeing the problems with ourselves is such a difficult thing to do. Because if we know what we are doing wrong then we have to fix what we are doing wrong. It’s so often much easier to point fingers and say things are the way they are “because of them“. Because, well, what can we do about someone else? Not a lot. Therefore we feel justified in doing nothing.
One of the things that has let me be a more content Christian is finally owning up to my mistakes. When I decided that I could do nothing about the sins of others (that would be between them and God) but could do something about my own sin life seemed less unfair.
Not that life is ever going to really seem fair, right? Not to us. We don’t have the capacity for understanding that we really deserve nothing good. That what we do have is a blessing and not a right. We live in a sin cursed world. And we really shouldn’t expect other people to do much else other than sin, right? Yet, we shouldn’t point fingers or cast blame….
John 8:3-11
3 Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst,
4 they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?”
6 This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.
7 So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”
8 And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9 Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
When accusations were made against the woman in this story, Jesus reminds the accusers that none of them are free of sin. He does not tolerate sin….he warns the woman caught in adultery to
go and sin no more
But he does not act like her sin is any worse than anyone else’s.
If the sin of others is no worse than my sin, what right have I to accuse? If Jesus is willing to get over wrongs done against him, why should I do any less?
Luke 23:34
Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” And they divided His garments and cast lots.
I’m not saying you’ve been treated justly. I’m not saying what you’ve been through doesn’t hurt. I’m certainly not saying that you have to like the way people always treat you. But one thing I’ve learned is my life is a lot more pleasant when I focus on my own sin and do something about that as opposed to dwelling on the sin of others and how it has affected my life.
I am someone I can do something about. And life is much nicer when I fix (with God’s help, of course) the things I’m doing wrong, and not spend so much time whining, complaining, and plotting revenge or how to get even with those that have mistreated me.
Besides, when it all comes down to it, I’m a sinner. And I’ve only got myself to blame.
June 15th, 2006 at 8:27 am
Seriously Good Stuff.
June 15th, 2006 at 8:55 am
Excellent. I know someone who is so busy blaming everyone - including people who gave her a hard time in grade school - for her problems that she’s completely ignoring her whole life falling apart around her. Perhaps I should read her this post…
June 15th, 2006 at 11:49 am
Great post, Bethany!
June 16th, 2006 at 6:04 am
Yep. Just because someone messes up, that doesn’t give us license to do wrong as well. We fail to comprehend this for some reason. It’s so much easier to search for fault in and point the finger at everyone else. It’s such a stronghold!
What is so much more liberating is asking God to reveal what we can change about ourselves in whatever situation. Usually, it’s our heart that needs changing. Once we accept that and ask Him to change it, so much else changes along with it - for the better! It’s so wonderful to be free in Christ from blame and blaming!!